Biden, Beards, And Bombs

Posted on Sun 05/23/2021 by


By Burt Prelutsky ~

Our taxes are going up, regs are being restored, we’re back in the Paris Accords, and we are again begging Iran to negotiate.

If you’re a Conservatives, there is so much to hate and fear about the current administration, it’s hard knowing where to begin. By doing his best to reverse every wise policy of President Trump, it’s like reversing the Rip Van Winkle story. I went to sleep last November and when I woke up in January, it was 2009 and Barack Obama had just been inaugurated.

Biden is seeing to it that our taxes are going back up, regulations are being restored, we’re back in the economy-busting Paris Accords and we are once again begging (bribing?) Iran to negotiate over their nuclear program.

But perhaps in the short run, the Biden policy that will hurt the most people is the one that has the Treasury running its printing presses overtime. In order to pay for the wish list that Bernie Sanders and A O-C delivered C.O.D. to Biden, inflation is increasing like a balloon that will inevitably burst.

It is a policy that is intended to destroy the middle class, forcing us to pay $1.50 for an item in May that cost $1.00 in April and will cost $2.00 in June.

What makes it all the worse is that he is doing it on behalf of illegal aliens (aka future Democratic voters), including those afflicted with the Chinese virus.

In short, it’s a case of robbing Peter in order to pay Pablo.

Recently, I took one of those tests that periodically go out on the Internet that measure your potential longevity based on whether you smoke, drink, use drugs, family history, etc. It predicted that I would make it to 98. I didn’t think much of it until the other day when I was talking to my friend Mike Camorlinga and out of the blue, knowing nothing about the test, guessed I would live to be 98.

It did get me thinking. For one thing, I don’t know if I really want to stick around for another 17 years. There are so many things to take into consideration, such as the state of my health and mental acuity, along with the state of the nation’s overall health. At the rate that America is declining in all the ways that really matter, I’m not sure I could bear to see to what depths this wonderful country had descended by 2038.

Would I really want to live in a country where Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was the president; Pete Buttigieg was her V.P.; where there were 13 justices on the Supreme Court; where Washington, D.C. and Puerto Rico, were states; where oil and coal had been outlawed and people were dependent on windmills, solar panels and hamsters running on little treadmills, to supply their energy needs.

The thing is I have been a visitor to a lot of nursing homes, and even in the nice ones the folks in their 90s don’t seem to be a very jolly group.

Besides, I figure I’m playing with house money. My dad and my two older brothers were all gone before they reached 71. So, what the heck am I still doing here?

As near as I can figure out, my main purpose in life and for the foreseeable future is to insult politicians, ridicule members of various groups of self-anointed victims and look after Angel. Not necessarily in that order. Definitely not in that order, Angel was quick to remark.

Although I have a beard, I am all in favor of the New York Yankees policy of banning them. Although I favor the designated hitter rule, I am enough of a traditionalist to disapprove of beards and necklaces on baseball players. In fact, I dislike the necklaces even more than I dislike the beards. The only “jewelry” I’d allow would be the diamond on which the game is played.

The fact is, I think there are only two excuses for wearing a beard, assuming you’re not the survivor of a plane that crashed in the mountains a month ago, and they are, one, you really, really hate shaving; and two, you testified against the Mob and are in the Federal Witness Program.

Patrick Miano passed along an old French proverb: “A poor, handsome, young man is a poor, handsome, young man. But a rich, ugly, old man is a rich man.”

Kevin Stroud wrote to say: “This is the best line I’ve heard in several days–nay, weeks: ‘Have you noticed we didn’t need fact checkers until the truth started getting out?’”

I acknowledged that the leftist media is so partisan they not only have a dog in every political fight, they have a pack of rapid hyenas ready at a moment’s notice to rip some Conservative to shreds.

But when I immodesty mentioned that I thought I had come up with several lines better than that in recent weeks, he acknowledged it but didn’t wish to embarrass me by quoting me to myself. I let him know I am not that easily embarrassed.

Norm Silvers reminded me that George Burns, who made it to 100, observed that “having sex at 90 is like shooting pool with a rope.” Or, in some cases, with a piece of twine.

My mentioning the movies I had found the most over-rated either by the critics or by moviegoers has led to others mentioning their own nominees.

Don Wise mentioned three that would have made my list if I had expanded it from 12 to 40 or 50.

His trio of bombs were “Apocalypse Now,” “8 ½” and “Suddenly, Last Summer.”

I did see all three of them, but that’s because I was still reviewing movies in those days. But I have to commend Mr. Wise for somehow being able to sit through what amounts to nine hours of cinematic hell. The man must have a rear end made of concrete.

Figuring that since I named a dozen stinkers, Patrick Miano assumed he would do the same. He started off with “Any superhero movie, especially one about ‘Batman,’” and then got down to specifics: “Billy Jack” and its sequels; “The Graduate”; “It’s My Turn”; “Kelly’s Heroes”; “Zorba the Greek”; “The Verdict”; “Catch 22”; “Twelve Years a Slave”; “Citizen Kane”; “Alfie” (both versions); and “The Getaway” (both versions).

I mildly disagreed with a couple of his choices and had avoided “Twelve Years a Slave” because enough’s enough, but by and large, I’d say if you decide to avoid seeing them, you will have saved yourself the equivalent of an entire day and will hardly have missed anything at all.

Besides, we’re not all blessed with Don Wise’s butt.

Burt Prelutsky is a columnist at The Patriot Post, and is a former humor columnist for the LA Times.

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