Browsing All posts tagged under »Scooter’s Report«

Olbermann Fired For Being An “Ignorant Retard”

January 23, 2011 by


By Scooter Van Neuter   NEW YORK (SR) – Apparently the host of the MSNBC show “Countdown,” Keith Olbermann, has been fired. Olbermann had the highest-rated show on the cable network, averaging almost 2000 viewers a night. MSNBC was recently acquired by Comcast, but insiders claim the move had nothing to do with Olbermann’s firing. […]

Napolitano: Taliban Now Using Penis Bombs

November 21, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter WASHINGTON (SR) – Stung by criticism over new TSA pat-down and “nude” scanning procedures, Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano continued to justify the measures at a news conference Tuesday. “We have good reason to believe that the Taliban has developed penis bombs and are actively attempting to use them onboard a […]

Dems Board Fail Train To Loser Town

November 2, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter   WASHINGTON (SR) – Across the country, an air of desperation permeates the Democratic party as panicked liberals attempt to bond with conservative voters and distance themselves from Pelosi, Reid, and especially President Obama. “I was never for Obamacare. The only reason I voted for it was to make Reid think […]

White House: Americans Not Smart Enough To Know How Good We Are

October 18, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter WASHINGTON (SR) – President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden separately delivered a message yesterday that Americans are essentially too stupid to grasp how effective their administration has been. Speaking to a crowd at George Washington University, Obama blamed the public’s dissatisfaction with his administration on the “24/7 news cycle.” […]

Carter – Obama Comparisons Striking

September 24, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter. (SR) – As the Obama presidency continues its rocket ride to Fail Town, comparisons between Barack Obama and Jimmy Carter are increasingly being made. Here’s a sampling of the striking similarities between the two presidents: Obama has followed Carter’s losing strategy of cramming one unpopular socialist program after another down an […]

Carter – Obama Comparisons  Striking

September 23, 2010 by


Scooter’s Report More news. Less facts. (SR) – As the Obama presidency continues its rocket ride to Fail Town, comparisons between Barack Obama and Jimmy Carter are increasingly being made. Here’s a sampling of the striking similarities between the two presidents: Obama has followed Carter’s losing strategy of cramming one unpopular socialist program after another […]

Reid Stuffs Defense Bill

September 21, 2010 by


WASHINGTON DC (SR) – Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said he will add the DREAM Act, a highly unpopular and controversial immigration measure offering citizenship to some illegal immigrants, to an upcoming defense policy bill. DREAM is an acronym for Don’t Remove Ethnic Alien Morons. Reid, who is fighting for his political life, called the […]

Obama “Like A Retard In Front Of A Slot Machine”

September 7, 2010 by


WASHINGTON (SR) – President Obama is planning on spending at least $50 billion more in borrowed money in an effort to strengthen our nation’s sputtering economy. The money will be used to build and modernize roads, bridges, and runways. With nothing to show but continued unemployment after already spending nearly a trillion dollars of borrowed […]

Rangel: Vote For Me To Keep Civil RIghts Alive

August 31, 2010 by


HARLEM, NY (SR) – Rep. Charles Rangel described himself Sunday as a “foot solder” in African-Americans’ struggle for equality, and urged his supporters to vote for him to keep the fight alive. “All of you remember that this fight is never, never going to end at least as long as there are ethically-challenged black politicians […]

Sasquatch Sighting Near Obama Vacation Home!

August 28, 2010 by


MARTHA’S VINEYARD (SR) – Local residents on this quiet island may not be sleeping so well since the reported sighting of a Bigfoot last night, just down the beach from where the First Family is vacationing. An unidentified woman called Martha’s Vineyard police Wednesday night at 10:08 to report a “Bigfoot-type creature” slowly moving along […]

Feds Dismissing Deportation Cases

August 26, 2010 by


HOUSTON (SR) -The Department of Homeland Security is suddenly moving to dismiss thousands of deportation cases against suspected illegal immigrants in Houston. Richard Rocha, an Immigration and Customs Enforcement spokesman, said Tuesday that the action is part of the agency’s broader, nationwide strategy to “prioritize” the deportations of future Democrat voters illegal immigrants. Opponents to […]

B.O. Elementary Causing Stink In Maryland

August 25, 2010 by


UPPER MARLBORO, MD (SR) -A new school named after the current president has Prince George County residents holding their noses. Many here question naming the school after a president whose popularity is roughly on par with genital warts. “Out of all the great people in this nation’s history, they name our school after THIS socialist […]

News News News!

August 21, 2010 by


SCOOTER’S REPORT – If it’s news but not here, it’s not real: Hardhats Vow Not To Build Ground Zero Mosque Rats, I was really wanting to see how the Iron Workers’ new pork/steel girders were going to work out. Thank God for individuals who put conscience before profit – I salute yous guys. ______________________________________ Martha’s […]

Poll: 25% Believe Obama Muslim, 87% Believe He Is A Moron

August 20, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter SCOOTER’S REPORT – A new Time poll indicates deep prejudices among the US population against violent antichrist religions and those who practice them, as well as a growing dislike for President Obama. According to the poll, more than 70% of Americans are adamantly opposed to the building of the Ground Zero […]

Pelosi: Investigate Those Who Oppose Mosque

August 19, 2010 by


WASHINGTON (SR) – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi Tuesday called for an investigation into those who are protesting the building of the Ground Zero mosque. Appearing on San Francisco radio station KBUTT, Pelosi said, “Everybody respects the right of people in our country to express their religious beliefs on their property. The fact this particular property […]

N. Korea: All Your Base Are Belong To Us

August 17, 2010 by


SEOUL (SR) – North Korea’s military threatened reprisals Sunday against South Korea for staging joint war games with the United States this week. The statement published by North Korea’s state media said, “The North’s army and people will deal the most merciless counterblow no one has ever met in the world to your base – […]

News! News! News!

August 2, 2010 by


SCOOTER’S REPORT – If it’s not news, it’s not here: Obama Appears On Talk Show While Rome burns, Barry dropped in on The View Thursday, for a lively  chat with Toontown’s version of the Al Gonquin Round Table (and Elisabeth Hasselbeck). While the show was a ratings success, it came at a cost – after […]

Illegal Immigrants Flood Back Into Arizona

July 30, 2010 by


PHOENIX (SR) – Swarms of illegal immigrants are pouring back into Arizona after a federal judge yesterday blocked key parts of that state’s tough new anti-illegal immigration law. Residents of Phoenix awoke this morning to the festive sound of pounding car stereos, hedge trimmers, gunshots, and graffiti spray painting. “Things are getting back to normal,” […]

Group Calls For Illegal’s Safe Passage

July 29, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter ARIZONA (SR) – An anti-illegal immigration group is calling on the Obama administration to ensure a safe and efficient exit for illegals leaving the U.S. due to Arizona’s strict new immigration law. Americans for Legal Immigration PAC (ALIPAC) is asking the White House and Homeland Security Department to establish “safe departure” […]

China To Overtake U.S. In Manufacturing

June 22, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter. China is poised to overtake the U.S.A. as the biggest manufacturing nation, ending America’s 110-year reign as the world’s largest producer of goods. Thanks primarily to retailing giant Wal-Mart, China’s cheap plastic crap (CPC) production has exploded in the last five years, and their manufacturing output of cheap pieces of sh*t […]

Israel Welcomes Iranian Escort For Activist Flotilla

June 9, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter. TEHRAN (SR) -Ali Imaazzhat, an aide to Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, said that Iran will send Revolutionary Guard naval units to escort humanitarian aid convoys seeking to break the Israeli blockade of Gaza. In a surprise move, Israeli not only did not object to the Iranian escort, but in a statement released […]

Obama: I’ve Been Fighting Oil Spill Since Day One

May 29, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter WASHINGTON (SR) – President Obama held a White House news briefing Thursday to address the growing wave of criticism concerning his poor handling of the BP oil spill. In the briefing, the President repeatedly insisted he had been personally involved in heading efforts to contain the spill, “from day one.” “Since […]

Troops Will Not Stop Illegal Aliens

May 28, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter WASHINGTON (SR) – The State Department confirmed Wednesday that the 1,200 National Guard troops being sent to the border will be under strict orders to not stop individuals illegally entering our country. The resulting outcry from politicians and residents to this news prompted the White House to quickly release a statement […]

Pentagon To Issue Medals For Restraint

May 15, 2010 by


By Scooter Van Neuter WASHINGTON (SR) – At the direction of the Obama administration, the Pentagon will soon be awarding U.S. troops in Afghanistan medals for doing nothing in the face of provocation. According to Pentagon officials, the  medal would be given for “courageous restraint,” or as troops in the field refer to it, “being […]