Let the Battle Royal Begin!

Posted on Fri 12/28/2018 by


By  Burt Prelutsky    ~   

It was odd to hear a couple of talking heads on Fox handicapping the 2020 Democratic primaries the other evening and declaring Robert O’Rourke the front-runner.

The reason it struck me as odd isn’t because he recently lost the Texas Senate election to Ted Cruz. Texas, after all, is big, but it’s not the entire nation. After all, a conservative like Cruz couldn’t get elected in most places, whereas O’Rourke would surely have won if he’d been able to run in a great many other states.

What struck me as peculiar about the conclusion the two pundits came to was that they explained that unlike Elizabeth Warren, who has advanced herself over the years by passing herself off as a Cherokee, O’Rourke was, of all things, “authentic.”

Because the interviewer didn’t follow up with the obvious question, I was left to wonder by what conceivable standard they could determine the authenticity of someone named Robert Patrick O’Rourke who called himself “Beto” during the campaign in the hope of convincing Hispanic voters in Texas that he was one of their own.

I mean, just how stupid would someone have to be to believe that someone with a name one would normally associate with being the archbishop of Boston was in fact Mexican?

Although we have been led by the Democrats and their puppets in the media to believe that Robert Mueller is a registered Republican and as pure as the driven snow, how is it that he went out of his way to invite skepticism of his investigation by putting together a team composed entirely of Democrats? And not just Democrats, but Democrats who had contributed to Hillary Clinton’s campaign. You would have thought that Mueller would at least have tried to conceal his bias by sprinkling in a few actual Republicans who might have kicked in a few bucks to the Trump war chest.

It certainly wouldn’t be allowed to empanel a jury in a criminal case that was so openly biased against the defendant and let there be no mistake that the target of this two-year fiasco is none other than Donald J. Trump, although it’s looking more and more like the best that these great white witch hunters can do is bring down a few of the more vulnerable members of the herd, such as Paul Manafort, George Papadopoulos, Michael Flynn and Michael Cohen.

It wasn’t that long ago that liberals used to be extremely concerned about over-population and the negative effect it would have on the environment and our quality of life. But that was when any increase in the population would be the result of Americans having babies.

Their concern ebbed enormously once the increase was attributed to the numbers of Latinos sneaking into the country.

It wasn’t that they had a special fondness for people speaking Spanish, but, instead, was based on the fact that 70% of them could be relied upon to vote for Democrats.

It was as if, overnight, all those heart-felt concerns about air quality, water purity, noise pollution, traffic and over-crowding, vanished, all thanks to political partisanship.

No longer did dedicated environmentalists cry themselves to sleep at night over the plight of snail darters and the rest of the endangered critters. Instead, there was a constant drum beat of lies, telling us how fortunate we were that so many millions of low-skilled or no-skilled ignoramuses were dying to come here and become beneficiaries of the welfare state. The claim was that they somehow represented a boon to the U.S. economy, even though they had quite recently represented a disaster to the economies of Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, Nicaragua and El Salvador.

Thanks to Tucker Carlson, I now know that whereas in the past, liberals were content to attack schools for calling Christmas vacations Christmas vacations, instead of winter breaks; threatening to boycott companies whose employees persisted in wishing customers a Merry Christmas; and taking cities and towns to court for placing Christmas creches in public spaces; they have broadened their targets to include the following: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer; the song “Baby, it’s Cold Outside”; the traditional colors of the season, red and green; and now, even candy canes.

Why candy canes, you might very well ask? It’s because they are shaped like the letter “j,” which — and don’t pretend you don’t know — stands for Jesus.

The reason behind all this unmitigated folly isn’t that in a Christian (though not theocratic) country that was founded on Judeo-Christian verities, there are a certain number of rational atheists.

Rather, it’s because in a nation of 320 million people, it’s inevitable that there will be a large number of loud-mouthed idiots who just want to ruin things for the rest of us, including the kids.

It can’t help but make you wonder why these God-hating pinheaded party poopers never raise a stink about Ramadan or Kwanzaa. Could it be they fear having their asses handed to them by belligerent Muslims and blacks, but figure the cheek-turners will merely voice their frustration?

Sen. Dick Durbin, in explaining why President Trump hasn’t leaped aboard the bandwagon in condemning Saudi Arabia for killing Jamal Khashoggi: “I don’t know any president or administration that has profited the way this current one has.”

It led me to question if Sen. Durbin might be suffering from the early onset of Alzheimer’s. For whereas the President is obviously going easy on the Saudis for both economic and security reasons beneficial to both the U.S. and Israel, it was the Clintons who during Obama’s reign of destruction sucked up tens of millions of dollars from Russia, thanks to over-compensated speeches and bribes paid in exchange for the Uranium One deal.

The Clintons, by the way, were equal opportunity profiteers, taking in about $30 million from these very same Saudis during Hillary’s four-year tenure as Secretary of State, and Bill topped that during his presidency when he accepted untold millions from China in exchange for delivering technology the Chinese didn’t have to bother stealing.

When Tucker Carlson teased a closing segment by saying it was going to deal with the favorite to win the upcoming Miss Universe contest, I thought to myself: “A transgender is expected to become 2018’s Miss Universe? Surely, the insanity hasn’t come to this. Impossible!”

Well, once the commercials ended, Carlson announced that the frontrunner was indeed a biologically intact Spanish male calling itself Angela Ponti.

I then looked Ponti up on Yahoo Lifestyle, where the 26-year-old breathlessly announced that competing in the beauty pageant “has fulfilled a dream,” and credits the achievement to his/her “tenacity, perseverance, discipline, respect and self-love.”

I guess they don’t subtract points in these competitions for lacking humility.

Or a vagina, for that matter.