Muslim Group to Build Mosque in Bloomberg’s Ass

Posted on Fri 08/06/2010 by

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The Cordoba Initiative cleared a few more hurdles today in its quest to build an Islamic Center and Mosque inside the ass of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

Today, New York City’s Landmarks Preservation Commission denied landmark status to Bloomberg’s ass in a unanimous vote. The initiative announced its plans to build the first ever inter-rectal mosque after successfully fending off challenges to build a mosque near ground zero.

“We will continue to move forward with the project,” said Oz Sultan, spokesman for the Cordoba Initiative, “We want to build bridges between the Muslim world and the west, particularly western rectums. Mayor Bloomberg has a fine rectum and it will make a great site for a mosque.”

While Bloomberg and other city leaders support the Islamic center, opponents have argued that this is just the beginning of an Islamic plan to put a mosque in everyone’s rectum.

“Peace-seeking Muslims, please understand that most Americans have a hard enough time taking a dump without having to squeeze it all past a mosque,” said former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, an outspoken critic of the plan, “Once there’s a mosque in every ass, there won’t be anything to stop Muslim extremists from entering and exiting American asses at will.”

Bloomberg defended the initiative’s right to build a mosque in his rectum after going through volumes of New York City codes, statutes, and laws.

“It’s clear to me that there’s nothing in the building code preventing the construction of a mosque in my rectum,” said Bloomberg, “Some of you may feel it’s in poor taste. I imagine it will be pretty uncomfortable, but these people have a right to construct a peaceful center that helps spread their message of peace around the world… and in my ass.”

The Anti-Defamation League was not pleased with Bloomberg’s decision and issued a statement.

“The construction of this mosque will probably cause a lot of people undue pain,” the organization said in a written statement, “It will probably also cause a little bleeding down there. Plus, it’ll be pretty embarrassing when it’s time to make the call to prayer.”

The Cordoba Institute attempted to deflect concerns about its intentions.

“First let me assure you that the structure will not contain minarets,” said Sultan, “We don’t want to cause any undue pain, here. It will be a modern structure that will make American rectums more inviting to Muslim individuals. We are a peaceful people – a peaceful people that have been kept out of rectums for far too long.”

Palin expressed her disappointment at Bloomberg’s decision, but ultimately left the responsibility in his hands.

“It’s your ass, Michael,” said Palin.

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