NEW YORK (SR) – A close associate has confirmed Hillary Rodham Clinton has decided to give up her Senate seat to accept the position of Secretary of State in the Obama administration.
The decision followed days of intense vetting and negotiations intended to clear any potential obstacles to her taking the job due to her husband’s insatiable horniness and propensity for sexual assault. Lawyers for Mr. Obama and former President Bill Clinton have crafted a set of guidelines for his future activities intended to avoid any appearances of impropriety should Hillary take the job.
Sources report the guidelines include restrictions on Mr. Clinton loitering in White House hallways, his possession of cigars in the White House or on its grounds, and the “release of bodily fluids” beyond White House restrooms. Also reportedly included in the guidelines are provisions for an automatic Order of Protection to be issued against Mr. Clinton prohibiting him from coming within 75 feet of President Obama’s wife and daughters.
Senior Obama advisers said Friday morning that the offer had not been formally accepted and no announcement will be made until after Thanksgiving. But they said they were convinced that the alliance was now ready to be sealed.
Order of Protection: 75 feet