Two Old Stories Updated

Posted on Tue 11/04/2008 by

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(This first short old story was a comment to one of our posts, and was too good not to post all on its own, so thanks to Ken McKenna for this comment. The second is a revival of an old story.)

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

There is an ‘Old Version’ and a ‘Modern Version.’ Two Different Versions! Two Different set of Morals!

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be responsible for yourself!
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MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

The MSM show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The whole country is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on SNL with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green.’

William Ayers stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, ‘We shall overcome.’
Rev Wright then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

NoBAMA exclaims in an interview that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share as the ant is way too rich.

Finally, the Democrats draft the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

NoBAMA gets his old law firm to represent the grasshopper in an equal opportunity suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of judges that NoBAMA appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has long since disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighbourhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be VERY careful how you vote in 2008!!

THE SECOND OLD STORY UPDATED

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said to him.
“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.”
“Build me another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying to him.
“You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark.

“Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”
“I needed a building permit.”
“I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”
“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a  decision.”
“Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.”
“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.”
“I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!”
“When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”
“Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”
“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”
“Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.”
“The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.”
“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”
“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord. “The GOVERNMENT beat me to it.”

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