Am I A Democrat? Am I A Republican? Which One Am I?

Posted on Thu 10/16/2008 by


After watching last night’s Presidential debate, I was listening to the political pundits comment on what McCain and Obama had to say. And I decided to examine some of the popular perceptions as to what makes someone a Democrat or a Republican.
Now I’m not sure which way to go. See what I came up with and help me decide.

Republicans drive big, fancy late model cars and SUV’s.
Not me. My car is a ten-year-old Oldsmobile. They don’t even MAKE those anymore.

Republicans live in expensive houses in the suburbs.
Nope. I live in an old house that’s falling down around me, and it’s right alongside a major highway.

Republicans all belong to country clubs.
Sorry, I’ve never been a member of a country club. Although I was a Boy Scout when I was younger. Does that count?

Republicans make big salaries working for big corporations.
I was laid-off back in June. But every job I’ve ever had was so blue-collar I think there’s a stain around my neck.

Republicans like to sit around drinking Martini’s.
Missed this one too. My taste in adult beverages tends toward domestic beer and Canadian whisky.

Republicans like to eat at fancy restaurants, places with lots of ambiance.
A big night out for my wife and I is the 2-for-1 night at the local steakhouse.
Although I did eat at a place with ambiance once.
That’s how I learned what the word means.
Dim lighting, small portions and high prices.

Republicans love to shoot golf.
Never played the game. I couldn’t see any sense in shooting poor defenseless golfs when I had no idea how to cook them.

I should have stopped there. I thought I had this thing figured out, and that I must be a Democrat. But I decided that in order to be fair, I should examine some Democrat beliefs.

Democrats believe that the scientists predicting severe climate change are correct.
Last night, the TV weatherman said today would be warm and sunny. I just looked out the window and it’s pouring rain. If you can’t predict today’s weather, how can you tell me what will happen 20 years from now?

Democrats want to raise taxes to help the less fortunate, such as people on welfare.
Well, I don’t want to see anyone go hungry, but maybe those folks on welfare should try getting a job.

Democrats support gun control as a means of eliminating crime.
Huh. I’m having trouble with this one. Will making gun ownership illegal work as well in reducing crime as making selling heroin illegal eliminated the drug trade?

Democrats think that anyone making over 250K a year should pay more in taxes.
I don’t have a dog in this fight. I have never made anywhere near that kind of money.
But I can’t help but wonder when being successful became such a bad thing.

Democrats think that the terrorists dedicated to destroying America will change their minds if we just sit down and talk with them.

How do you talk to someone who is thinks it’s a great honor when one of their children straps themselves up with dynamite, walks into a crowd and blows up themselves and everyone around them?

As you can see, all I managed to do was confuse myself.
I don’t fit into either category.
And I was at my wits end until my wife just called and asked me what we are having for dinner tonight.
And that gave me an idea.
So I told her that if I can find a recipe for preparing them, maybe I’ll go shoot some golfs.

Carl also writes for his own blog at Right Wing Wiz Kid