The Belief Vigilantes – It Never Was About The Bearded One

Posted on Sun 12/29/2013 by

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By Mollie Nickell ~

Dear Friends,

the brouhaha over Phil Robertson’s comments were nothing more than a coverup for a sneak attack against his beliefs. This is a common tactic these days, with the Belief Vigilantes screaming bloody murder when they hear or read words that don’t express their beliefs. This week’s fable reveals the truth behind their actions.

Enjoy.

BEWARE OF the Belief Vigilantes!
(It never was about the Bearded One)

Once upon a time, in a country of good and decent people, there lived a group of uber-sensitive, thin-skinned citizens who believed they were Constitutionally entitled to live without ever hearing anything that offended them.

They created a gi-normous list of blacklisted words. (Whoopsie! “Blacklisted” became the first offensive words to be b****listed because it implied a racist belief). The thin-skinned ones also created a rather short list of acceptable, non-offensive words. They became the “Word Gestapos,” and roamed the land to ensure that seldom was heard a discouraging . . . or offensive word.

Then  someone pointed out that words were not the problem. In fact, they had never, ever been the problem. Words were nothing more than proof positive of beliefs held by the person speaking the words.

Therefore, in order to eliminate offensive words, it would be necessary to change the offensive beliefs that had caused them to be spoken.

And so, the thin-skinned and much-too-sensitive folks re-branded themselves as The “Belief Vigilantes,” and launched a national campaign to guarantee correct and non-offensive beliefs. They enlisted Hollywood celebrities, film industry moguls, and left-stream media and lobbied for mandatory “belief correction” classes and rehab programs (covered by government-approved health insurance) for everyone over the age of 6.

Next, the Belief Vigilantes launched a massive PR campaign focused on correct beliefs regarding racism, sexism, feminism, same-sex marriage, birth and climate control, Judeo/Christian beliefs, the obsolete Constitution, home schooling, red or white wine, etc., etc., etc.

But, drats and darn (the only approved words to describe disappointment), citizens continued to live their lives, using the b***klisted words, unaware of and unaffected by the Vigilantes’ correct-belief campaign.

In became obvious that in order to capture national attention to their cause, the Belief Vigilantes needed a scapegoat.

Shazam! Along came a magazine interview with the perfect candidate: a bearded, self-made millionaire, reality TV star, and straight-talking founder from the Kingdom of Duck When a reporter had asked for an opinion, the Bearded One responded by expressing his beliefs regarding sexual preference and various body parts. 

Whoopie Ki Yea! The Belief Vigilantes sprang into action, screaming and yelling about how his Neanderthal comments had offended them. The brouhaha became a breaking-and-non-stop story across the country. Millions of citizens, for the first time, began discussions about how, when, where, and “IF” it was appropriate to express deeply held beliefs that might differ from deeply held beliefs of others.

The Belief Vigilantes jumped up and down in celebration and clicked together the heels of their all-natural, handmade hemp sandals. “At last, citizens are beginning to understand the importance of correct beliefs (which we determine) and correct speech (which we also determine).”

Hat Tip – The Blaze

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