A Drug Enforcement Administration officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I’m here to inspect your ranch for marijuana.”
The rancher points and says, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
“Mister,” the DEA officer explodes, “I’ve got the authority of the federal government with me!” He produces his badge from his pocket and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this? This badge means I’m allowed to go wherever I want — no questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? You understand me, old man?”
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s gigantic Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs: “Your badge. Show him your BADGE!” …
Sicilian relaxation technique — it works!
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a seven step stress management technique used traditionally in Sicily. It really works!
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of Nancy Pelosi, the person you are holding underwater.
There! See? It really does work. You’re smiling already. Feel free to forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique.
Totally looks like
Check out these hilarious political animations (using real audio) coming from an outfit named “Politizoid”: Watch Now…